Adventure Time

  I know my blog has been, like, super serious. The month of May is going to be really exciting though. I am going to do my best to keep this thing updated. My boss, Sterling, is going to be flying out to Fort Lauderdale to get his new boat. In this new boat I have my own room equipped with a queen-sized bed! On the 1st Karol, my bosses sister in law, is coming while her husband sails back with Sterling. I am so excited because Karol is one of the most fun people I know. After Sterling gets back, he has to work for about a week and then we're taking 6 days to sail somewhere along the coast. I am so excited, mainly because this will be my first trip and the first of many this summer! I have a tendency to take pictures of everything so you will basically see my whole sailing experience!

I'm gonna be out at sea most of the summer! 

I'm so beyond excited, guys! Also, hopefully not when I'm out at sea, but a friend that I met at camp when I was 13 is coming to Houston in May. I haven't seen him in 9 years! 

Also, I am going to Austin for Memorial weekend to my cousin's lake house. Diana, Lizzy, and Lori are sisters that are actually my cousins. Through out my whole situation they have been a phenomenal support system and have grown to be more like my own big sisters. Lizzy is the sweetest princess there is. She's getting married in June which I am extremely excited about. Lori is pregnant and is going to be a terrific mother. So, excited for little baby Ramos to come in to the world(I can't stop buying baby stuff. It's all too cute.). Lori is the most hilarious person I know. She is my insight for tv and celebrity gossip, which is my embarrassing guilty pleasure. Don't judge me. And Diana, is just the most amazing person you'll ever meet. She's an attorney with her own firm, great sense of style and taste in music. I've had some of the most fun experiences in my life with her! So, it's basically gonna be the best weekend of all time. So, if my blog has been a bit on the melancholy side it's about to be super fun. Be patient my friends. 

I am beyond  excited everything is turning around. 

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

Peace.

At the risk of overwhelming myself, I am going to start another blog. It will be entirely dedicated to food, healthy and not so healthy, and fitness.  Especially because today I realized something. As busy as I am, I've got time. I am still trying to transfer to University of Houston, which thanks to UTEP has been extremely and unnecessarily difficult. I just found out that my grandfather's will has been found and he is finally at the crematory. Doesn't sound like something I should be relieved about, but I am. I spend a lot of time cleaning, painting pots, building things, and at the gym.Ya know, grown up things. Which is surreal all in itself, I mean, I take care of someone. Weird. I really am blessed with my job. I can travel whenever Sterling has a few days off and this summer will mostly be spent on a boat. They even gave me a paid leave when I was in Florida.

My point in all this is, I am extremely blessed. One of my biggest goals every day is to stay positive. My last post wasn't meant to bring anyone down but you never know what anyone else is going through. Which is why I've started thinking about making a list of the 22 most important people in my life and letting them know, one by one, how important they are to me.

The best way to lift yourself up is by lifting others up, too.

Anyways, I will have my new blog up soon and will be providing a link! Woot!

"Remember this. Hold on to this. This is the only perfection there is, the perfection of helping others. This is the only thing we can do that has any lasting meaning. This is why we're here. To make each other feel safe." -Andre Agassi

True Love

I've always heard that a girl's first true love is her father, but for me it was my grandfather. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved my father but our personalities clash. My grandfather passed away on March 26th. This past week has been quite revealing and upsetting but I want to take a moment to permanently put in to the world the best of my grandpa. Although it is true that we aren't "blood related," no one can tell my heart otherwise.

My brother and I used to spend the night at my grandparents quite a bit. My grandma would stay up late watching the most gruesome ER shows. As awful as they were we would stay up and watch them because, well, we got to stay up late. Each morning though, I would get up early to have a big bowl of Raisin Bran with my grandpa. It was his favorite so therefore, it was my favorite. Then would go for a long walk in their back yard. My grandparent's old house on Laney Road was way out in the country. They had a huge lake and a trail that led out to various people's back yards. This was a ritual every time I was there. We would walk and talk, and most of all, laugh.

He was the funniest, most goofy man you would ever meet. He couldn't stand still and would use his entire body to tell a story. He reminded me of Tim Allen in Home Improvement and would even make that little grunt. He loved and took care of my grandma. She was sweet and caring woman but not always the easiest for him to take care of. He wouldn't ever show that she was. He worshipped the ground she walked on. I remember a few conversations before he passed and he was always asking me if I found anyone. I was in my "Ugh, I don't need a man" phase but with each conversation he made me feel more optimistic about love. He'd tell me that there is a wonderful man out there waiting to love me. He just had so much excitement for me to find love.

If I find someone it will be a man just like him. Someone compassionate, that can make me really laugh, someone that will want to take care of me, someone that really listens when I talk, who will speak with so much wisdom, and finally someone that loves the way that he did. He had a special kind of love that made you feel important.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
      ~Edna St Vincent Millay

Living In Limbo -- I Mean, Your Twenties

It's funny how we walk around in our everyday lives without even a thought of how quickly everything can change. Being young comes with a sense naivety, I think. We spend a lot of time thinking nothing bad can happen to us.  When it does you're just left there stunned and everything you ever thought you know becomes a question. It shakes you to the core and makes you reevaluate everything that your twenty-something years of experience has taught you.

Everything isn't rainbows and sunshine anymore.

The world is a dark place... 

but that doesn't mean light doesn't shine through every once and awhile.

Sometimes it turns out we know nothing at all. Sometimes we have to be broken and put ourselves back together. Especially, because no one else can do it for us.

That is my explanation for why I haven't posted lately. I've thought about being raw and posting what actually happened but on the off chance that someone I know reads this  I have decided against it. Maybe one day I will or maybe you'll just figure it out. I'm not known for being subtle.

Now, as promised:

“Some people's lives seem to flow in a narrative; mine had many stops and starts. That's what trauma does. It interrupts the plot. You can't process it because it doesn't fit with what came before or what comes afterward. A friend of mine, a soldier, put it this way. In most of our lives, most of the time, you have a sense of what is to come. There is a steady narrative, a feeling of "lights, camera, action" when big events are imminent. But trauma isn't like that. It just happens, and then life goes on. No one prepares you for it.” 
― Jessica Stern

Rekindling

 So, it's been almost two months since I've posted. Shame on me. I have just been extremely and wonderfully busy. I'm not even 22 yet and I've completed quite a bit of my list. I guess those are my "resolutions." Even though I technically am more of a fan of daily, weekly, and long term goals.

 I've been baking like there is no tomorrow. I made a bunch of cupcakes for fireman, cookies galore for my parents and bosses, 3 casseroles for my bosses family, truffles, cheese balls, breads. I loved every stressful and tiring minute of it.

 I have almost traveled myself out! I went to Austin to visit my hilarious cousin and he husband, Lori and Lee, had lunch with an old friend, and successfully avoided my old stalker. I stopped in Fort Worth twice to visit my cousins, Ana and Adrian, and their precious baby girl Amelia Grace. I stopped in to see my parents and my best friends in Abilene. I got in to a few uncomfortable situations, but I was with Sharece and Tawny so that just makes it completely worth while. And last but certainly not least, I visited my never ending family in El Paso. I seriously have the cutest 94-year-old grandmother on the planet. I went to a party with some of my cousin to watch Anderson
Silva's foot break, had dinner with a few of my absolute favorite people(in which I discovered the greatest beverage ever made, Rumchata), watched the little mermaid with a few of my favorite princesses, and just hung out with my cousins, Bobby and Yvette. The made an upper body workout just for me do to my stupid knee injury and I seriously almost died. I learned a lot about diet and finances from them that were just really helpful.

It's good to be back and into the groove of things again. For now my shadow boxes are calling my name.

Adios Muchachos.

. “By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands — your own.” – Mark Victor Hansen

Selfless Sunday

So, my 22nd birthday is quickly approaching. A bunch of my friends want to do different things from Vegas to a cruise to the Caribbean, but my planning for my birthday is going towards something a little different. I have made a list of 22 Random Acts of Kindness, things I have to do while I'm 22, and things I want to work on about myself. My biggest concern lately is making myself a better person physically and emotionally, which I feel go hand in hand more than most people think.

22 before 22:

1. I will run the CASA 5k and reach out to the CASA of Houston to help raise awareness. Although I am still a member of CASA I won't be able to accept a case due to the fact that I don't know when Nicol will get a liver(which means I don't know when I'll start my next job and be shipped of to Miami for three weeks).
2. Improve my self esteem and help others with theirs too. I feel like I can realistically be toned up by my next birthday and that will really help with the way that I see myself. I am way better than I used to be and really am happy with the progress I've made already. I think it'll be easier diet wise because I am helping Sterling with his diet and weight loss. I really enjoy helping people with their health needs. Also, I'm also quite quick to judge others and I have been catching myself quite a bit lately. I want to be the type of person that lifts people up not bring them down. 
3. Start bringing that lady at Bank of America by my house coffee or tea. Let's face it that girl has a shitty job. She's there regardless if it's freezing, 100 degrees, or pouring down rain.
4. Explore downtown Houston and and Montrose more often. I loved my time in El Paso more than anything but there are things I didn't do at first because I didn't want to do anything by myself. I regret that and I don't want to leave Houston in a year with the same regret!
5. Travel. That's pretty self explanatory and achievable, I think. I want to go to as many places as I can for the first 6months-1 year and then hopefully just get Russel to pick Lawanda trips so I can only work weekends while going to school.
6. Get back to doing creative stuff. I am making shadow boxes for Russel and Christmas decorations for Nicol so that should really help. I do miss photography, drawing, painting, and scrap booking though. That includes reading more, it helps to get the creative juices flowing. I love reading any type of literature, that isn't American, and it always inspires me.
7.  I need to finish my cook book. I already have about 12 recipes and would like to keep adding more. I need to work on presentation and pictures.
8. I want to buy someones food at a restaurant at least every 1-2 weeks or buy food and give it to someone homeless.
9. My best friend in the entire world is a soldier serving in Iraq and I have many other close friends that are serving and about to leave for deployment. So, there is a program called Adopt a soldier where you write to them and send them car packages and was eager to start this as soon as I heard about it. I can't imagine someone signing up for the military for reasons like my father did and not having anyone to send me stuff from home. 
10. Work on keeping in better contact with my friends and family. I hate texting and really just having a phone sometimes but I move around frequently and need to keep in contact with friends somehow. One of my best friends brought to my attention just how awful I really am about it. I really want everyone to know that I really do care about them and aren't just blowing them off.  Which leads me into the next point:
11. I used to send random texts, messages,  or letters to friends and family in my life letting them know how wonderful they really are. I need to do that more often. I am beyond blessed to have so many wonderful people that really care about me in my life and I really want to let them know how much I really appreciate them.
12. I need to work on controlling my emotions. There are very few people in this world that can make me lose my temper and they tend to do it a lot. I have always been a little on the dramatic side and it's of my own doing. Plus I think there is nothing better than being able to control your emotions.
13. On that note, I need to learn that I can't always control every situation. I am a super control freak and am prone to anxiety when things aren't just perfect. That and I always make plans. One year plans, five year plans, and after things ended with John I assumed I would have given up on that. It's weird to think that I would have been engaged right now or even married.
14. I am dating without a clue as to what I want. In theory a boyfriend seems like a fantastic idea, until I am close to having one. A friend of mine suggested I make a list and establish deal breakers to help weed through guys that aren't worth the time or effort and when I find one that meets everything I need I may, in fact, be ready for a man. Also, there is a Sex and The City inspired post about such things coming in the near future.
15. I need to become fluent in Spanish so I can start learning other languages. I want to be fluent in at least 6 languages before I'm thirty. Ugh, that's an awful thought, being thirty.
16. I need to try and make more friends. I tend to be a hermit when I move somewhere new! I can make friends easily when I try.
17. I wanna buy a bunch of Eat Your Peas books and leave a little note in each and leave them in random places. My cousins John and Diana bought Me Eat Your Peas for a college student and it really helped me put some things in perspective. 
18. Make some cupcakes and take them to the local police or fire station.
19. I want to start going to more of the local bars and pubs. That was one of my favorite things to do in El Paso. While doing that I want to anonymously buy someone a drink, especially if it looks like they're having a rough day.
20. I need to learn to let stuff go. I am the worst about holding on to grudges and past emotions. I haven't always been the best person and I wouldn't want someone to hold that against me so why would I do that to someone else.
21. I need to set more personal and daily goals a make sure to follow through and meet them.
22. I want to compliment people more. Random strangers, people in my life that are doing great, or people that just need a boost.
23. And maybe one to grow on. (; I need to be more spontaneous. I'm 21 and I need to just let go and have fun more often.   

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes that I try to live my own life by!

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." - Eat Pray Love

Prelude

The idea of blogging is one of those things much easier said than done. I started one once in high school and it was full of drama, hormones, and teen angst. As embarrassing as that was, I still have always liked the idea of getting my experiences and thoughts out in to the world. This is all based on the hope that my life is interesting. But in reality my life is

AWKWARD, DRAMATIC, FUN, and WEIRD. 

 

I will do my best to keep posting especially because all I have is time lately. So, I guess I should start with me. I'm a 21-year-old woman living in Houston. I am work doing home health care for a woman on the liver transplant list. I have no desire to be a nurse or continue doing this line of work when I am finished here. Coming here I have received an opportunity for another job once this one is over and am quite excited. The job is a stewardess for a private charter company, meaning I will be transport troops, sports teams, and famous people around the world. Both jobs are helping me to pay for University, law school and to help pay off any debt that I owe. Plus, who would pass up an opportunity to travel for a year. But until then I have more free time than I know what to do with since I just moved here and I don't know a soul. So, I will blog. I will try to leave with a positive quote after each blog. So, on that note:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain